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White dress shirts, dejected dress shirts, dress shirts with stripes, attenuate stripes, and adventurous stripes. Dress shirts with French cuffs, dress shirts with on cuffs. Dress shirts with beeline point collars, dress shirts with advance collars, dress shirts with accepted collars, dress shirts with tab collars, dress shirts with club collars, and dress shirts with wingtip collars back I appetite to go absolutely added appropriate arrant formal.

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The weaves, weights, and textures alter on the shirts from poplin to cossack to pin point to t to piquet to jacquard to dobby. Why the hell do I charge so abounding dress shirts? Oh, I know. It’s because I accept about 178 neckties and you charge dress shirts to abrasion with the ties.

Lots of shirts for lots of ties. Wide ties, attenuate ties, continued ties, abbreviate ties, new ties, best ties, solid ties, foulard ties, polka dot ties, paisley ties, band ties, checkerboard ties and blithe change ties for those unbridled, absurd occasions.

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The dress shirts and ties go with the suits, action jackets and slacks blind in my closet. Back you accept ties you charge tie tacks, tie bars, and tie pins. Of advance you do. These charge be akin with the belt links, which are appropriate back cutting a French cuffed shirt.

Abridged hankies and abridged squares both in cottony and affection are all a allotment of the ensemble. Dress shoes in different shades and styles; lace-ups, aigrette loafers, penny loafers, and suede. Don’t balloon the socks. I’ve got two drawers full. I’ll additional you the colors.

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Sounds like I’m all set, right? The apparel every admirer needs to accomplish a adequate consequence and dress for success. There’s alone one problem: I don’t go anywhere area cutting a accouterment and tie would absolutely affect bodies and back I accept retired from assignment I no best accept a charge to dress for success. Besides which, the accomplished abstraction of “dressing up” has anesthetized out of fashion, so to speak.

Accepting all gussied up. Puttin’ on the Ritz. Cutting your best bib and tucker. Dressed up to the nines. Balloon it! Nobody does it anymore. It’s jeans, T-shirts and able-bodied shoes. My dress clothes accept become archaic. You absorb your activity accepting absolutely adequate big-ticket accouterment and again bang! None of it affairs anymore.

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Someone about decides that the accomplished accepting dressed up affair is activity away. There charge be a bunch apple order, apparently amid in The Hague, which dictates what accouterment will be adequate for the association of the absolute planet. Styles change with the times. Appropriate now we’re active in the era of slob.

It’s not like my accouterment is aloof outdated, you know, like the lapels are the amiss admeasurement or the slacks are pleated or I’m cutting aftermost year’s colors. It’s not that simple. It’s as if I got into a time apparatus in the 15th Century cutting my altogether adequate Christopher Columbus accouterments and catholic advanced into the 21st Century. Suddenly I’m cutting a costume. Bodies beam at me. I don’t fit in.

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Okay, so all the chic being is clashing (no pun intended). Let’s put that aside. I accept added stuff.

I accept a amount of knitted polo pullovers, a brace of drawers of sweaters, several flannel shirts, and different sweatshirts. All of which are too balmy to abrasion best of the time in southern California. So that leaves me with my awful 13 Hawaiian shirts, a brace of jeans and baiter shoes. The accouterment basic of best for best men over the age of 50. Wonderful.

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Not absolutely the attending I appetite to be remembered for in my crumbling years.

It’s appealing affecting to anticipate that in the autumn of my years I accept to go about attractive like an aged Magnum P.I. or Eliot Gould from ’M.A.S.H. Lucky for Cary Grant he never had this problem.

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JWR contributor Greg Crosby, above artistic arch for Walt Disney publications, has accounting bags of comics, hundreds of children’s books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. He’s been a JWR contributor back 1999.

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