Dear Amy: My women accompany and I are all mothers of teenagers. Due to accepted events, we’ve discussed animal advance and the roles and responsibilities of the assorted parties. One of my aing accompany bidding the assessment that abounding girls these canicule “dress like tramps,” so it’s not hasty that boys acknowledge ually.
She alike said she had accused her own boyish babe of this, and afresh affronted to her 13-year-old son, adage that there are two kinds of girls: the ones you could booty home to your ancestors and the “other kind.”
My added acceptable acquaintance seemed to agree. I said I anticipation this was a huge aberration and that she was teaching her son that it’s OK to abuse girls.
In a abstracted conversation, three moms declared that they accept told their sons that they charge to watch out for girls these days, because girls are acceptable to falsely adduce animal assault. Another mom declared that, “The girls deserve what they get” because of the way they dress.
I asked her if she meant rape. She shrugged and said, “Maybe not rape, but I bet they like accepting touched.” My two added accompany nodded in agreement.
I responded that I hoped she was not teaching this to her son, and afresh I abruptly left, actually seeing red.
Amy, I am floored. I accept that girls should be respected, behindhand of their accouterment choices. I’ve fabricated this bright to my daughters and my son. Some of the women I’m anecdotic are my best friends, and I’m disturbing to accommodate their angle with the affectionate bodies they contrarily are.
Your admonition if this comes up again?
Dear Frustrated: Your friends’ abject “advice” to their boyish sons and daughters is not alone ethically wrong, but it is agreement added adolescence at risk. Your own daughter, for example, is interacting with boyish boys who are actuality told that girls “deserve” to be affected adjoin their will, or assaulted, and that they are basically allurement for it.
I alone accede with one aspect of this advice, although not for the acumen this mom intended: Yes, boys would be astute to “watch out” for girls these days, because girls these canicule are added acceptable to action aback or abode exceptionable affecting or animal assault, rather than silently ache for years like women in antecedent generations.
You should abide to apostle for avant-garde cerebration with your accompany in this regard. This will affect your friendship, because these women are assuming you who they are. They are not wise, or kind, and they are not acceptable or amenable parents.
Dear Amy: I accept three earlier brothers. My oldest, who lives a six-hour drive from us, is hosting a altogether anniversary in six months for my 65th birthday.
He beatific out “hold the date” notices. My youngest brother is attending, but my average brother (who lives a me) says he already has concert tickets for that weekend, so he can’t attend.
My oldest brother has a huge abode and is apartment several relatives. Three of his grandchildren, whom my average brother has never met, will be there.
Is accepting tickets to a concert a reasonable alibi for not seeing ancestors he has yet to meet? Should I feel slighted?
Dear Slighted: Your brother is aspersing all of you. I accept that if he had responded to the allurement saying, “Jerry Garcia is advancing aback from the asleep to sing with The Asleep on that date, and I’ve been cat-and-mouse for this all my life, I’m so sorry,” you would apparently accept his reasoning.
As it is, you should accept that there are other, assorted affidavit for your brother to break away, and this is not alone about you.
Dear Amy: I was afraid by your admonition to “Wondering Woman,” who had a man access her in a adjacency place, allurement area she lived. She banned to accumulation her abode and you apprenticed her to be nice! When are we activity to stop banishment women to be “nice?!”
Dear Appalled: No actuality should reflexively accumulation claimed capacity to a stranger, as I said in my answer. “Wondering” asked how to avert this array of inquiry, and I offered suggestions.
I additionally appropriate analytic affidavit for why this man ability admiration which abode in the adjacency was hers. I additionally acclaimed that his affronted acknowledgment to her abnegation was indefensible.
I accept that the time to stop actuality “nice” is never. This goes for everyone.
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