In my contempo “Stupid Cruise Questions Answered” column, I arrive readers to accelerate me their own questions and comments. There were no “stupid cruise questions” I hadn’t heard before, but I did accept some able jokes I had forgotten. Please accumulate the cruise jokes coming.
I anticipation it time to abode some added “stupid questions” that, over the months, I accept accustomed from cruisers. The best acclaimed “stupid cruise questions” are in the repertoire of best cruise admiral and address comedians, so I apprehend them all the time, but I absolutely don’t anticipate some are funny. (Maybe because I alone asked some of them at one time?)
Here’s a selection:
“What is our elevation?” Obviously, a address consistently floats at sea akin – but if you beggarly “how far aloft the baptize band are we back continuing on accouter 12?” afresh your “elevation” is afterpiece to 50 ft. That’s a altogether accurate question. At atomic I anticipation so back I asked it. One aggregation affiliate said he was in Glacier Bay, Alaska, back he was asked “what is our elevation?” I accept abounding bodies abash acclivity with latitude. Glacier Bay is 58 degrees north.
I accustomed an email from one aggregation affiliate who was asked, “Does this elevator stop at accouter 11?” and he replied “Only if you appetite it to…”
To me, that is added of brainless acknowledgment than a brainless question. Several emails cited “do these stairs go up?” as a hilariously brainless question. I never begin this catechism to be that funny. I already started to ask an administrator if a set of stairs went up to accouter 10, but he started bedlam back I got to “Do these stairs go up…” and I didn’t get to finish. I capital to “deck” that officer, to be honest.
Funny Cruise Stories
A little old adult is arrive to banquet at the captain’s table, breadth she asks him, “Sir, do these arresting ships bore actual often?” The captain replies, “Only once, madam.” Already again, asinine catechism or asinine answer? The adult wrote a letter to the cruise line’s admiral accusatory she was “forced to eat with the crew.”
April 15 is the 100-year ceremony of the biconcave of Titanic. Is 100 years still “too soon?” I will let you be the judge… Bruce Ismay, artist of the Titanic, asked Captain Edward Smith how far it was to the aing soil. “It’s about two miles,” the captain replied. “Straight down.”
Serious Cruise Questions
Dozens of bodies beatific me austere cruise questions, so I will acknowledgment the best accustomed ones first:
“What affectionate of clothes should I backpack for my cruise?” For a archetypal close cruise you accept daytime and caliginosity clothes. Daytime clothes accommodate burden shorts with lots of pockets; t-shirts and sneakers are accomplished for on the address or on shore. You will appetite a swimsuit for the beaches and pond pools. Hats and sunglasses are a allegation for sun protection.
During the day, you can abrasion the aforementioned clothes onboard or on shore, except bathing apparel are not accustomed in dining rooms. Caliginosity accoutrements (after 6:00 p.m.) agency no jeans, shorts or t-shirts in the capital accessible areas. If you don’t feel like bathrobe up for dinner, the cafe breadth is consistently casual. Able caliginosity restaurant accoutrements requires slacks and collared shirts for men. Neckties are alternative on “casual” ships, while a banquet anorak and tie qualifies you for “formal night” on about any ship.
If you are already booked, analysis your cruise line’s web armpit for dress cipher clarification. Amount is not consistently an indicator. Some of the best affected ships are absolutely “cruise casual,” while some added “affordable” curve still accept academic nights.
Here is a arbitrary of best cruise band dress codes:
Mainstream cruise lines: Carnival, Norwegian Cruise Band and Royal Caribbean adopt slacks and collared shirts afterwards 6:00 p.m., but if you alone brought jeans and t-shirts you will allegedly be accustomed in the dining room. Just accumulate in apperception that you will angle out like a abscessed thumb, abundant like at abbey or a wedding.
Premium lines: Princess, Holland America, Celebrity, Disney. These curve will not abide jeans or t-shirts afterwards dark, and will abjure you access to the dining room. They will accept “optional elegant” nights breadth best men will abrasion banquet jackets with ties optional. Women will abrasion skirts or accommodating pants suits.
Upscale lines: Oceania Cruises, Azamara, Windstar, Great American Steamboat Company and river cruise lines. These curve accept airy their dress codes, advising “country club casual” every night. Affluence Lines: Seabourn, Silversea and Regent are additionally “country club casual” about all the time. This agency collared shirts for men (polo shirts are OK) with slacks, aphotic socks and dress shoes. Skirts or affected pants apparel for the ladies are good. They may accept one “elegant” night per 14-day cruise – add a jacket, tie optional. There are two affluence cruise curve breadth you’ll still about see men in tuxedos and ladies in brawl gowns — Cunard Band and Crystal Cruises.
If accurate “Golden Age” academic dress is what you appetite in a cruise you can’t exhausted Cunard’s Queen Mary 2 across crossings. It’s amphitheater is the best absolutely affected abode at sea. These days, you alone see a scattering of cartage in tuxedos on a archetypal Caribbean cruise. Actual few ships authorization academic dress to access the dining allowance anymore.
True academic dress is now “optional” – a balance for the bodies who still appetite to strut their being on ships. Men: With a brace of aphotic slacks, banquet jacket, dress shirt with necktie, shoes and added collared shirts (polo acceptable) you accessible for any dress code.
For the added accidental ships skip the necktie. But demography it up a cleft on any address is a abiding way to get the ladies to apprehension you. Ladies: Mix-and-match packing is the best able approach; added apparel can be created out of beneath pieces. Don’t underdress, don’t overdress.
If you accompany a altered ensemble for every night, you will allegedly angle out added than you want. Accompany your best affected adornment to activate up your wardrobe. Large, bright bangles go over actual able-bodied on cruises.
Everyone: Do not go abdicate affairs new clothes for your aboriginal cruise – delay and see how approved cruisers dress. Also, abstain the allurement to buy “nautical” themed clothes – epaulets, stripes on armbands, captain’s hats, etc.
Almost all cruise ships accept laundry casework for dry charwoman and pressing. A biking steamer comes in handy, but band are not accustomed on ships. Abounding ships accept laundromats on commuter decks with washer-dryers and ironing.
Cruise Band Angled Guidelines
The added best accustomed catechism was “What is the able amenities for tipping?” Angled on cruise ships is convoluted. One does not tip during the cruise at all, back served a drink, for example. All tips are accustomed at the end of the cruise. The recommended absolute bulk is about $10 per commuter per day. In the old days, a commuter would accompany banknote to being into abstracted envelopes for his waiter, allowance steward, the Maitre D’ and busboy, and duke them out on the aftermost day of the cruise. This action generally took hours and I did not adore it.
Today, cruise curve will artlessly allegation gratuities to your shipboard account, itemized on your final bill. It makes the action beneath discretionary, but if you absolutely feel addition does not deserve a tip you can go to bedfellow casework and appeal that the tip be taken off.
Some curve accept angry gratuities into “service charges,” however, so you cannot aish them. Letting the cruise band allegation your annual is the able amenities — no more, no less. All tips are affiliated and divvied up to the agents as the cruise band deems appropriate.
Do accomplish abiding your tips get charged, however; some curve will ask you center through the cruise if you appetite tips answerable to your account, and you accept to accept it. If not, you accept to get the banknote and envelopes.
Three Angled Tips:
1) Every alcohol you buy already has a account allegation added to the price. There will be a amplitude for you to leave an “optional gratuity” on the ticket. Why tip twice?
2) All money accustomed to any agents affiliate is declared to be pooled. So if you absolutely appetite to tip a specific person, you should duke them cash, and do it actual discretely. There are cameras all over the ship, except in your stateroom.
3) Be accurate of crewmembers who try to comedy on your emotions. I accept heard belief of bodies “adopting” their allowance aide because she misses her ancestors but she allegation break on the address to accelerate money home.
I don’t accept of crewmembers adage this to guests, and neither do their employers. Give her your sympathy, but not your money. Crewmembers are not attached servants; they are paid able-bodied compared to what they could accomplish in their home countries. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be there. Some cruise curve accept all-embracing appraisement breadth tips are not accustomed or accepted. They are Silversea, Seabourn, Regent, and starting January 1st, 2012, Crystal Cruises. The agents is able-bodied paid and the account is usually excellent. And yes, you pay added for these cruise.
The Meaning of POSH
On the “which ancillary of the address is best” catechism I covered previously, abounding bodies challenged my analogue of the chat POSH, which articulate believable to me — but I was wrong. The chat was allegedly acquired from Brits sailing the close avenue to India afore air conditioning was invented. Sailing to the east, you would appetite the sun abroad from you (port out and starboard home). Those who adapted me should apperceive that Snopes disagrees with this adventure as well, adage that acronyms were not accustomed afore the 20th century, and that “posh” was acquired from gypsy argot for “money” or “wealth.”
Other Topics to Follow
I accustomed affluence of added questions about seasickness, the amount of “extras” onboard, and an agreeable letter from a alter tricks able accommodating to barter his aptitude for chargeless access on a cruise.
Please accelerate your cruise questions to [email protected] I will try to acknowledgment all of them eventually.
Paul Motter is the co-founder and editor of CruiseMates.com cruise biking guide.
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