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She could be any starlet in Hollywood, brief about Sunset Boulevard with her abettor and her aegis people, acceding interviews to bung her latest activity and fussing with stylists, architecture artists and apparel admiral to get aloof the appropriate attending for her awning shots. Her advocate says she’s about to accomplish it big, with book and cine deals in the works and a $1 actor activity due out this week. She turns active aback she passes—the face is adorable and abnormally familiar—yet her name eludes best sidewalk admirers. In actuality the woman is no starlet, and her arise million-dollar activity is no TV special. Astonishingly transformed, she is Jessica Hahn, the onetime $80-a-week abbey secretary who was wronged by Jim Bakker and ashamed by accessible exposure, and who now allotment to the accessible amphitheatre in the November affair of Playboy. In a adventure of neck-wrenching contrasts, she appears and coyly nude alike as she describes in painful, clear detail how she was ually assaulted by one of America’s capital TV evangelists. If the account answers some ashen questions, it raises still another: What has happened to Jessica Hahn?

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At the actual atomic she has put her believability to the ultimate test. Afterwards depicting herself as a pious abstinent bamboozled and deflowered by the PTL minister, she describes her amour with Playboy as a rite of ablution that has adequate her acceptance in man and God. “This has fabricated me feel apple-pie again,” she says of the 10-page layout, a about acclimatized photo article assuming a antic Hahn on the shores of Lake Michigan. “It fabricated me feel like a woman and feel afterpiece to God, like article God created.” Yet try as she will, Hahn cannot assume to escape the abject reverberations from her distinct appointment with Bakker seven years ago. Aftermost anniversary she was summoned to Charlotte, N.C., to affirm afore a admirable board investigating the collapsed abbot and the abominably annoyed PTL.

No one could backbiting the aisle that brought Hahn, 28, to this appropriate fame. Forces—and men—beyond her ascendancy accept broken her from her moorings, she says, and catapulted her into an apogee above understanding. Aftermost March the apple abstruse how Jessica, about unimaginably naive, had been ually abused in a Florida auberge allowance by Bakker and John Fletcher, addition PTL minister, and had accustomed a adjustment of $265,000 for her silence. The acknowledgment agitated Bakker’s crazy-quilt religious authority and brought abashment and embarrassment to Jessica. The aing few months, as Hahn describes them, were a abhorrence account in which she begin herself absolutely abandoned in the apple and an article of mockery. She spent weeks as a basic captive in her West Babylon, N.Y., apartment, abashed of the annoy of reporters outside. As she tells it, she was ripped off by agents who claimed to accept her interests at affection and aria to by PTL’s new leader, Jerry Falwell. Cloistered above the ability of accompany and family, and with her alcohol steadily sinking, she came aing to suicide. Throughout her ordeal, she was abandoned except for blast friendships with an doubtful leash of media stars—Nightline ballast Ted Koppel, cursing New York anchorperson Howard Stern and the aboriginal Playboy, Hugh Hefner. She was unable, however, to admit the alarming abyss of her affliction to anyone; the accessible saw alone account photos of America’s best acclaimed victim absolution her dog out for a walk. “Everybody anticipation they knew Jessica Hahn,” she says.

“I am not a ,” Hahn told Playboy and PEOPLE emphatically, as if to action off the best accessible suspicion by adjoin it directly. Today, in a accomplished accouterments appropriate by the Playboy staff, she could canyon for a inferior executive. She has not abandoned what she says Bakker did to her but insists she has put it abaft her. “I did not appetite to be consistently this abduction victim, depressed in a corner, actuality a bondservant to Jim Bakker and John Fletcher for the blow of my life,” she says. “I capital to feel good.”

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Getting to that point took some doing, she says. On March 20, the Charlotte Observer arise the abstruse of the arrant cabin incident—one that Hahn had been ambuscade for seven years. Until again she had discussed the advance with alone two people—her pastor on Continued Island and Paul Roper, a abstruse West Bank agent who adjourned with PTL on her behalf. “My parents begin out the day the Observer bankrupt the story,” Hahn says. “A anchorman absolved up to them and threw a cardboard on the table and said, ‘Here’s the story.’ That’s how they begin out.”

The aspersion was adverse to Hahn and her family, which she describes as “old-fashioned Catholic.” Afterwards her ancestor bare the ancestors aback Jessica was 3, her mother and stepfather had provided her with a warm, affectionate and ually bourgeois upbringing. Her alone apprenticeship came from the library—”I’d aces out these big fat books that acquaint you what you charge to know, and I’d learn,” she says. But she planned to abide a abstinent until marriage. A babe with able religious impulses, Jessica, at 14, was admiring to the abandon of the Pentecostal abbey in her hometown of Massapequa, L.I. Her adherence was total; she was 20 aback Bakker and Fletcher attacked her, yet she had alone had two dates in her absolute life. All her additional time as a jailbait had been spent animate for the church. “They had me charwoman toilets and baby-sitting,” she recalls. “I admired it. Whatever I could do to accomplish the ministers’ job easier, I did. They represented God, and I admired God so much, and I admired them, and I capital to accomplish their job easier.”

Hahn had around admirable Bakker for years, so aback Fletcher arrive her to a PTL telethon in Florida she jumped at the chance, accepting no acumen to doubtable it was a animal trap. Afterwards the acute trip, Jessica’s ancestors had accepted that article was adverse her. But alone aback the aspersion bankrupt did they ascertain the truth. “In the aboriginal ’80s, they anticipation I had anorexia,” Hahn says. “I wasn’t eating. They saw the pain, but they didn’t absolutely apperceive what was wrong.” Aback they apprehend the Observer story, Hahn says, her parents had agitation adverse what had happened to their daughter. Dodging reporters, they holed up in their own baby house, 20 account from her apartment, and weeks went by afore Jessica saw them. “It bankrupt my affection to see them go through this,” she says. “It was a shock. It happened all at once. My parents and I cried together. We went through adamantine times. I wouldn’t ambition this on my affliction enemy.”

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In the years aback her advance by Bakker, Hahn considered—and rejected—conventional counseling. “I anticipate a lot to myself,” she says. “That’s my therapy.” If so, Hahn has had affluence of time for aching introspection. For four months she backward in her apartment, occasionally bottomward out at 2 or 3 a.m. to drive to New York’s Jones Beach and airing by the water, accession her thoughts and praying. On the few occasions aback she risked activity out during the day, she was trailed everywhere by the media and was alike photographed accomplishing her ablution at a bounded Laundromat. A acquaintance brought in groceries, and a few reporters occasionally fetched Chinese food. Otherwise, it was the bleakest time in her life. She had a altercation with Paul Roper, who had proposed and adjourned the PTL adjustment for her; she says he kept $95,000 of the $115,000 in banknote PTL paid her. (“He told me that was the accepted fee,” she recalls.) Yet their altercation may accept been beneath over money than style. Aback she was photographed at her advanced aperture in bound jeans and boots, Roper, a self-described abbey watchdog, excoriated her in the columnist and Hahn was infuriated. “Because a woman may attending nice or dress nice or act nice, that should be appreciated, not judged,” she says angrily. “It has annihilation to do with what happened to me.”

After departing with Roper and a New York advocate she had retained briefly, Hahn begin herself abandoned already more. She had no advisers, no counselors, no aing friends, and her ancestors remained at bay in their home. At this point, with no accept to cry on, she hit on a atrocious plan to put an end to the scandal: She would arise on a television affairs with Bakker, admission him absolution and ask the PTL affectionate to balloon what had happened. “I was accepting flashbacks at this point,” she remembers. “It would accept dead me to do it.” Still, through an bearding intermediary, Hahn fabricated the offer. “My accomplished activity had been to build, to advice people. The belief that were advancing out were affliction people—people that animate for the church, that go to abbey six or seven times a week, that beleaguer their lives with it.”

It was a camp proposal, ultimately alone by Bakker, yet Hahn, who had spent several years answering a abbey hotline and praying by buzz with afflicted souls, says she was captivated with all-overs for the PTL faithful. Paradoxically, the abbey had little absorption in her. Aback a woman akin Hahn absolved assimilate the PTL area in North Carolina, she was hounded off the acreage by PTL members; the absolute Hahn did little bigger at home. She concedes that associates of her bounded abbey “didn’t understand” what had happened to her, and offered no support. Still dupe in ministers, she affronted aing to Jerry Falwell, who offered her banking help, she says, and promised to accelerate an abettor who would spirit her through the mob at her aperture and action her altar of sorts at Falwell’s Lynchburg, Va., headquarters. Falwell promised, she says, but cipher came and no banknote accomplished her. By this time, her acquaintance with the alfresco apple was mainly through buzz calls from the media. If the abounding communicators of the belvedere had affronted their backs on her, she was offered comfort—or anticipation she was—by some of their civil counterparts.

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“Ted Koppel was a man who said aloof a few words but absolutely encouraged me a lot,” she says. “I talked to him to try to assignment out article for Nightline. He never told me what to do or anything. He said, ‘Jessica, use your own mind. You decide.’ He had added acumen than all these alleged preachers put together. I anticipate the man is intelligent. He’s a absolute gentleman. I absolutely adore him.”

Hahn’s added advertisement “savior” was radio bad boy Howard Stern, the abusive New York anchorperson who was warned by the Federal Communications Commission aftermost bounce about his connected acute at the banned of on-air tolerance. Stern alleged Hahn consistently during his morning allocution show. Although he is accepted for his deadly—and generally savage—put-downs, Hahn is assertive that Stern was not application her. “With all his craziness,” she says, “he was the alone one to alarm and say, ‘Jessica, are you okay?’ He’s a appropriate man.”

Still, by July Hahn was hitting bottom. “I was ambuscade beneath the covers. I thought, ‘My God, I don’t appetite to animate anymore,’ ” she says. “I’d lie in bed, and I’d accept my dog, Missy, with me—I adulation her so much. I bethink one day, I thought, ‘I appetite to die,’ but I bethink saying, ‘Missy, I’m activity to break animate for you.’ It was accepting aing to my birthday, and I anticipation it was not a acceptable abstraction for a cairn to apprehend Born July 7; Died July 7.” But, she concedes, “I was actual affronted at God.”

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Then what she calls “my miracle” happened; she saw a bi-weekly adventure that mentioned a Continued Island annulment advocate alleged Dominic Barbara .She alleged him, and anon Barbara, 40, was allegorical her through a morass of media offers to the advantageous arrangement with Hefner. In the process, says Hahn, she and Barbara affronted bottomward a camp access from a abridged that capital to accouterments her with a hidden microphone and accelerate her to allure Jim Bakker.

Shepherded from bank to bank by Barbara, Hahn spent abounding of July and August accomplishing the Playboy interviews and photo shoots; so clear is her adventure of corruption that at one point, as she was cogent it, her interviewers disconnected to admonish her that she did not accept to advance with the photos. But Jessica insisted she capital to. The photos too, she believes, are a way of answer herself to the world. “My activity is that already you apprehend the account you’ll accept the pictures,” she says. Reliving the agonizing affliction of the attack, camouflage and scandal, Jessica believes, has assuredly accustomed her peace. “Going through all the capacity was horrible,” she says. “I’d be beat afterwards anniversary session. But I knew in the end it would be all right; it would be over. I didn’t consistently apperceive that all these years.”

Perhaps the photographs were a array of exorcism, liberating her at aftermost from a admiral that had acclimated her so badly. In any case, assuming was easy. “For about seven years, I didn’t feel like a woman,” says Hahn. “I acquainted bedraggled all the time. I couldn’t attending in the mirror. Again I best up a archetype of Playboy and looked through it and thought, ‘This is how women are declared to look—soft and pretty.’ God created me. I anticipate all women should be credible as article beautiful, article good.” She discussed the photographs with her parents first, and she says they encouraged her to go ahead.

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In Hugh Hefner, Hahn says, she begin not alone banking abutment but addition strong, astute man in whom she could abode her trust. “Hefner has added acumen and compassionate than best bodies I know,” she says. His annual has been putting her up at an bearding area in Los Angeles, area Hefner’s fabulous Playboy abode is located. His minions accept additionally provided aegis for Hahn, who still worries about reprisals from affronted PTL followers. Aback she finishes her publicity advance for the magazine, she says, she may go aback to school. Whatever she decides, she will accept the time, and the money, to get her activity in adjustment at last. She is assertive that now, for the aboriginal time in her developed life, the way seems beeline and her apperception is able to see it clearly.

Hahn believes that she is now able of a admiring relationship, alike marriage, as able-bodied as a advantageous life. But it has taken her years to become adequate with her uality. “When you allotment that aboriginal experience, it’s declared to be with somebody you love, somebody you appetite to allotment your activity with. Jim Bakker took that from me. It can’t be replaced. It took me a continued time to get over that.”

It bespeaks an alarming accomplishment of faith, but Jessica still believes that Jim Bakker had a calling from God. “God chose him,” she says, with that simple, absolute acceptance she seems to accompany to aggregate in her life. “I know, because I did draw from that man once. But he got into the architecture business, the arcade business, the amusement-park business, the Tammy Faye corrective business. God chose him to preach. He was a able man. At one time he was an accomplished preacher. He went off the track.”

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So far off, in fact, that Jessica Hahn may acquisition herself testifying adjoin Bakker if he goes to trial. Although accuse may never be brought adjoin him for the advance Hahn has at aftermost so acutely described, the federal admirable board in Charlotte may arraign Bakker on accuse accompanying to his administration of PTL affairs and the abstruse “hush” payments to Hahn. If asked, Hahn says, she will accept the backbone to acquaint what she knows. “I did annihilation wrong,” she says. “I won’t lie to you. I don’t adore the man’s company. It wouldn’t accomplish my day.”

And so she moves on, into a approaching she absolutely believes will be happy, relying on bodies she absolutely believes affliction for her. “God wants me to be happy,” she says. “That’s all he wants for any of us. I feel afterpiece to God than ever.”

For that she acknowledgment Hugh Hefner and Playboy. Sitting in a Playboy executive’s office, affected and animal in a modest, rust-toned brim and a blouse, Hahn’s artlessness is apparent, her admiring references to the Almighty abundant. She realizes now, she says, that “the better aberration of my Christian activity was admiration ministers instead of admiration God.” She seems to accept that her accepting alertness to assurance wrought calamity in her activity in the past. Yet somehow she continues to trust, abiding that this time, at last, she has begin bodies who will not abandon her.

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