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Many canicule of ice skating accept occurred; I accept watched about all of them and feel adequately assured that I could assassinate a acknowledged amateur Salchow if beneath duress. Also, I am anew advancing to amend my bounce attending to accommodate boundless sleeves, bizarre clover and arduous panels EVERYWHERE.

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Some bodies got medals and some bodies did not; mostly anybody stepped it up for the alone contest and in my new role as amount skating appearance critic, I am thrilled. Shall we?

The acceptable is awfully good—SO actual acceptable that I admiration a abundance of anniversary of these apparel for daywear at once!! Yuzuru Hanyu skated like a artificial demon and is dressed like, per my notes, “some Sailor Moon Tuxedo Mask bullshit!!!” A sash! A arduous panel! A adumbration of azure at the collar! There were gloves—sheer, black, faintly ridiculous. This Adam Rippon attending is like if you put a bogie on upside down, dispatch into her appendage as a shirt—a fucked-up accession to your affection lath that accomplished nicely. And, skating to “Nessun Dorma,” Shoma Uno is cutting all three of my admired amount skating ensemble apparatus in one: arduous sleeves; velvet; SPARKLE. Additionally this apparent should be compulsatory for every macho amount skater; I’ll abide my appeal by mail to the U.S. Amount Skating Association.

Here’s Paul Fentz, the arch server at a Medieval Times in Hackensack, belted by the sommelier, Javier Fernandez, on his larboard and Alexei Bychenko, the man who operates the turkey leg rotisserie apparatus and changes the mead kegs for the weekend brunch rush.

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The anathema of the mother-of-the-bride dress comes for anybody eventually and men’s amount skating is NOT immune!! The blush is abundant on Dmitri Aliev’s ‘stume and I love, love, LOVE a analogous glove, but the arduous sleeves charge a kajillion sequins to save them from themselves. Jorik Hendrickx is accepting a BLAST and his top shares conceptual DNA with the daydream I wore to my chief prom. I’ve asked Patrick Chan afresh to leave the account top at home and he has yet to account that actual simple request. And Boyang Jin’s top is actual Dillards; tangentially, how far out are we from this ombre chiffon vision’s comeback? I’d say bristles years. Prove me wrong!

Michal Brazina looks like he plucked his attending from the auction arbor at Oak. Is this a echo Mikhail Kolyada attending or am I accident my mind? Keegan Messing wants to accord you a rose, dressed as he is for a actual adorned adaptation of The Bachelor or your inferior prom. Finally, Brendan Kerry’s arresting beard is the best alarming affair about this look.

Smart of Han Yan to applesauce up a belong with a vest/ey beneath it, admitting I am afraid at how about unfussed I am about this look! Deniss Vasiljevs, this is a absolutely acceptable 80s-adjacent blazer with the best attenuate use of sequins I’ve apparent at this accident yet. Nathan “Quad” Chen and Vincent Zhou are blush blocking correctly; Chen looks a bit like a actual chichi priest and Zhou’s red and atramentous stripped-down Cherry Poppin’ Daddies top is juuuuust basal abundant to accomplish it fashion, darling.

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Please bethink this men’s amount skating accident by this final attending at Shoma Uno’s clover midnight and azure and gold fantasy. That sleeve! The turnout! The aplomb of a man who knows what he’s accomplishing and has somehow not befuddled his knees out! I die.

It assuredly hit me that ice dancing is basically xxy, lewd, So You Anticipate You Can Dance-style amphitheater dancing on ICE SKATES—duh—and now I cannot stop watching. Also, now that I apperceive that the abbreviate affairs appropriate all ice danseuses et danseurs to “skate to a Latin rhythm, utilizing amphitheater ball techniques to accomplish salsa, samba, bachata and/or meringue,” I feel abundant bigger and accept aggregate so abundant more.

Fringe, aback done right, is fantastico. Cortney Mansourova and Michal Ceska are proving that point nicely, admitting I ambition his all-black ensemble had some affiliation to her absurd neon-yellow fantasia. Perchance it is the way the camera has bent this corybantic energy, but article about Kavita Lorenz’s dress looks like what Big Bird would abrasion to Carnaval and Joti Polizoakis is like the blow of the men in this category: dressed in all atramentous to let the women shine. Shiyue Wang and Xinyu Li are the ONLY echo apparel I will alike bother discussing because this binding is FUN and the colors are blood-tingling and I adulation it. Alexandra Nazarova looks like a boom majorette, Maxim Nikitin like the brilliant tenor in appearance choir and somehow I am not mad at it.

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Piper Gilles and Paul Poirier are accomplishing the “put the man in atramentous and the woman in EVERY COLOR UNDER THE SUN” shtick, but her dress is SO actual H&M Holiday 2015 that I cannot advice but adulation it, and addition closeup of his shirt appear that there were analogous tearaway (?) sleeves, a actuality that makes me shriek. Sara Hurtado is affectionate of banausic in attic and atramentous and Kirill Khaliavi is zzz. Gabriella Papadakis had a night of aflutter highs and one actual adverse incident: she skated like a freaking BEAST to, ugh, “Shape of You;” the brooch of her astounding green-to-gold-to-nude apparition applique apparel BROKE DURING HER PERFORMANCE, banishment her to skate the affairs with one of her bosoms EXPOSED; she and her accomplice Guillaume Cizeron asperous that storm and still managed to accomplishment second. The sequins on Penny Coomes’s atramentous sequined cardinal is evocative of every thrift-store sequined clothes smelling faintly of mothballs and accept bedlam to the heavens, but her accomplice Nicholas Buckland got the announcement about the exposure. Thank you!

Call me crazy but this dejected binding on Ekaterina Bobrova is lovely, but should be like, electric Yves Klein dejected and not what attach brightness bloggers alarm a “blurple” and Dmitri Soloviev pecs attending shiny! Madison Hubbell’s dramatic, aphotic one sleeved dress is adored from boresville by the hints of hot blush in the atramentous and Zachary Donohue’s arduous panels are fantastic. In theory, I adulation Kana Muramoto’s belted agent situation, but in convenance it looks a little bit like a brace of aigrette earrings I about purchased at Zara’s trendier cousin, Bershka; I don’t apperceive what her accomplice Chris Reed is cutting but it seems beneath than fun. I ambition Charlene Guignard’s awe-inspiring access of tulle and glitzed-up lycra had no sleeves instead of one actual continued one and her accomplice Marco Fabbri is, again, cutting black.

Tessa Virtue is cutting a apparel that has so abounding apparatus to it—burnout clover bobcat spots, fringe, no back, sewn in-bra cups like a tankini—that one thinks it ability be hideous. It’s not?? It’s great?? Scott Moir’s top is a algid accept afterwards actuality an advancing algid shoulder; I’d adulation to anticipate that that’s accouterment him with some ventilation, if the apparent isn’t accomplishing its job. They either accept fucked or or on their way to do so. They attending GREAT.

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Yura Min and Alexander Gamelin are cutting red as are Natalia Kaliszek and Maksym Spodyriev and Kaitlyn Weaver and Andrew Poje. Two out of the three are interesting, amuse assumption which ones!

Oh my GOD, Madison Chock looks like a appearance toucan, there’s a swath of accoutrement abrasion adjoin her on and she somehow managed to skate in this accouterments afterwards communicable her brand on any of it, I am impressed!! Evan Bates respectfully kept it chill, the bigger to let the ablaze t the flash off Chock’s bonkers-chic garment. Yes! This is the acceptable stuff! Pour it bottomward my throat.

Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir are actual acceptable at their jobs and are additionally maybe in love; they adapted the gold and I will not apprehend otherwise!!

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Some affected visions in dejected chiffon: Gabriella Papadakis and Guillaume Cizeron recovered beautifully and attending like aerial ballerinas; I adulation a ruched top on a man, apparently, and this midnight chiffon on Papadakis was gorgeous. A actual Kerrigan vibe for Charlene Guignard and hey-at-least-it’s-not-black on Marco Fabbri. Abounding ice dancing apparel hit at the knee like this dejected and sequined cardinal on Natalia Kaliszek and I absolutely don’t apperceive why; Maksym Spodyriev’s achievement tux has nice hints of dejected that bout her dress—nice.

Well okay, Yura Min and Alexander Gamelin, dressed in blood-tingling amount skating versions of the Korean hanbok—a ablaze atom that you can acknowledgment to afterwards assessing what follows: I am borderline what apparel affair Alisa Agafonova and Alper Ucar accept fled, but it seems that Sara Hurtado and Kirill Khaliavin and Piper Gates and Paul Poirier accept additionally absent their way. Someone help!

And now, a fun d of “Have I apparent this afore or does every amount skating apparel attending the same?” Marie-Jade Lauriault and Romain Le Gac went for atramentous and again a red-lace apish close bearings that I anticipate I’ve apparent at the stores, aloof saying! Would adulation to aloof point out that Madison Hubbell and Zachary Donohue absolved out like this and I wondered if they were accomplishing some array of Anastasia Steele/Christian Grey laters, babyish vibe, and I’m apologetic to say I was right. Her dress is abundant admitting and I anticipate added men should skate in this affectionate of atramentous tie dishabille. Anna Cappellini and Luca Lanotte accept able from a assembly of Romeo and Juliet set in Elena Ferrante’s Naples and I acquainted actual bad for Madison Chock and Evan Bates aback they fell, but at atomic she looks bendable and affected and glamourous. His shirt in an abomination.

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So nice to accommodated Lucie Mysliveckova and Lukas Csolley and I adore the assurance of this Westworld accomplishments amateur look. Accept I apparent Kavita Lorenz and Joti Polizoakis cutting this accouterments before?? Peach chiffon, ombré sequins, a man dressed like a waiter—it’s so accustomed and alike if it is a threepeat, I’m down. The ShibSibs attending like associates of a ball affiliation accepting abysmal into Martha Graham, but hey, it works! Ekaterina Bobrova and Dmitri Soloviev acclimated their bodies and these apparel which CERTAINLY attending accustomed to acquaint a adulation story(?) about a dark woman and the man who larboard his his clothing anorak at his aerial powered job to adulation her.

OBVIOUSLY Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir won the gold, skating to their accepted set to the growl-y Moulin Rouge soundtrack and authoritative avaricious easily at anniversary other. I apperceive Virtue is cutting the red dress because the man sings about a red dress and I don’t affliction that it’s so on the adenoids that it’s dumb—look at this backless, sheer, clover wonder. In a abundant moment in Olympic history and a abundant moment for feminism, Moir is cutting the SAME arduous top with clover bank he’s already worn. My alone edit? They should’ve got rid of that bits on the advanced and the aback and accustomed us Moir, baby. Yes! Ice fucking! Congrats!

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