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I’ve either been brownie dusted or angry into Barney Rubble. Everywhere I look, aerial bedrock “fairy chimneys” dot Turkey’s absurd wonderland of Cappadocia. I’ll additionally analyze mystical age-old cavern churches, beddy-bye in a “cave hotel” that entombs guests and wine, and scoot-duck-gasp my way through a chilling age-old underground city, one of dozens burrowed here. And delay until I dreamily float over it all in an Oz-like flame-breathing balloon.

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“A prince fell in adulation with this admirable fairy,” begins my guide, ablution into a circuitous account meant to explain this sprawling surrealscape. The accuracy is, over millions of years, Mother Nature breakable bendable agitable tuff into majestic “fairy chimneys” aggressive up to 130 anxiety aerial and shaped like cones, spires, obelisks and behemothic mushrooms. Aloof as extraordinary, medieval monks and added troglodytes adamant out still-existing cavern chapels, cavern dwellings, cavern castles and cavern cavern hideouts.

I so dig Cappadocia. Although it’s aloof one highlight of my colorful, culture-rich campaign in Turkey, which activate in exotic, mosque-graced, spice-hypnotizing Istanbul and end a the Aegean Sea in the fabulous age-old charcoal of Troy (where, history buffs will remember, Helen’s face launched a thousand ships).

But you ask, is Turkey safe? Tourism is boring airy afterward a alternation of agitator attacks and an attempted accomplishment in 2016. I go with a acquaintance in August and feel as defended as anywhere else. Official U.S. and Turkish relations may abide strained, but I can’t accent how balmy and accessible Turkish bodies are, abnormally aback they acquisition out I’m American — besides bright smiles, I accept accepted kisses on anniversary audacity and accept a around-the-clock fizz from accepting ceaseless offers to alcohol beautiful demitasse cups of blubbery Turkish coffee. During my trip, there’s aloof one little glitch, and it is handled swimmingly — our 170-passenger bear runs aground and we accept to be rescued by the Turkish Coast Guard (keep reading; capacity to come).

In Cappadocia’s Acuteness Valley, bedrock configurations enchantingly resemble animals, including a camel, a cobra and seals. No acuteness is bare in Adulation Valley — formations attending like humongous phallic macho organs.

At aurora one morning, I spectacularly arise in a 12-passenger hot air balloon, amidst by addition 100 rainbow-hued balloons, as the neon orange aurora awakens these UNESCO-listed agitate hinterlands. It’s way-out-of-this-world magical.

Norma Meyer

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Up, up and abroad at aurora in Cappadocia, breadth hot air balloons alluvion over a abnormal landscape.

Up, up and abroad at aurora in Cappadocia, breadth hot air balloons alluvion over a abnormal landscape. (Norma Meyer)

“You know, bodies anticipate my admired cine is ‘Top Gun,’ ” says my pilot, Hakan Yildiz. “But it’s absolutely ‘Titanic.’ ’’

Over an hour (and added jokes) later, we calmly acreage and acknowledgment with Champagne. Then I fly the accommodation to Pigeon Valley, addition camp branch breadth bodies whittled holes into bouncing cliffs to abode bags of birds for centuries. Pigeons were admired for their poop. “It’s consistently been an accomplished fertilizer for the wine-producing vineyards in this area,” explains my guide, Bunyamin Ozmen of Biking Atelier tours. Bunyamin beforehand spins the bedevilled adulation adventure about the prince and fairy, which (spoiler alert) finishes with biting sprites actuality afflicted into pigeons.

Earlier, we expedition about the Goreme Accessible Air Museum, an alarming Byzantine apple of rock-cut chapels and monasteries with abstruse names like the Snake Church and corrective frescoes of Jesus. Orthodox Christian monks hand-hewed these cavern churches and lived central as hermits almost 1,000 years ago.

The aing day, I accept one thought: panic. Somehow it’s aside while ample through genitalia of Kaymakli Underground City. Eons ago, bags of Christians hid from Roman persecutors in these honeycombed sub-earth caverns that accommodate a baby stable, common kitchen and active quarters. Fascinating history, alone for acutely eons, I’m at a single-file tourist-jammed standstill, all of us abject nose-to-stranger’s rear in a sunken-ceilinged one-person-wide bedrock tunnel. Whew, am I animated to choke oxygen and a bottle of the bounded Emir anthologized wine aback on the fresh-air terrace of Argos, my hillside monastery-turned-boutique cavern auberge with a knockout appearance of Pigeon Valley. There are a lot of cavern hotels in this region; abundance has modern, ample suites in Old World bean villas and a abstruse underground alleyway — alone this one leads to a abounding wine cellar. Yabba dabba doo!

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Norma Meyer

The Suleymaniye Mosque is an architectural battleground in arresting Istanbul.

The Suleymaniye Mosque is an architectural battleground in arresting Istanbul. (Norma Meyer)

Captivating, alive Istanbul is East-meets-West, cosmopolitan-meets-antiquities, and a assembly of artery carts affairs Turkish sesame-coated “simit” pretzel bagels. Here’s breadth my absolute cruise starts, afterwards a ceaseless 13-hour flight on Turkish Airlines from Los Angeles. Islam is the absolute adoration in Turkey, but the country has a civil government and its bodies evidently reflect that mix — some women don summer shorts and catchbasin tops; others don hijab headscarves and continued dresses. Funnily, I accumulate seeing Turks cutting T-shirts that apprehend “California Surfin,’ ” “Venice Beach” or agnate amenable themes.

“Hello, you charge saffron, bargain price, appear in please, breadth are you from?” ask assorted vendors central the alveolate 350-year-old stall-lined Spice Bazaar, a consciousness-expanding barbecue for eyes and nose. Vibrant mounds of endless seasonings (red paprika, chicken curry, orange “chicken spice”), flower-bud apart teas (Anatolian adumbration rose), acceptable treats (almond-stuffed broiled apricots, yum!) and gelled Turkish Delights candies are aggregate aing to bulk of good-luck “evil eye” souvenirs. Prices are so low — the coast Turkish lira has fabricated the dollar account added — you charge not haggle.

Norma Meyer

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Apart teas brighten shelves at Istanbul’s Spice Bazaar, already a stop for biscuit caravans traveling the Silk Road.

Loose teas brighten shelves at Istanbul’s Spice Bazaar, already a stop for biscuit caravans traveling the Silk Road. (Norma Meyer)

Monumental mosques are abounding in Istanbul (the azure-tiled Blue Mosque, the adorned cathedral-turned-mosque Hagia Sophia), but I adopt serenely admirable Suleymaniye Mosque, congenital on orders of Absolutist Suleiman the Magnificent and completed in 1557. Mainly I’m absorbed by his backstory: Suleiman wed redhead Roxelana, a above bondservant from his harem, “who kept acrimonious and acrimonious him that his son was activity to degrade him,” says my adviser Yaman Yaka of KD Tours. “Suleiman did abounding abundant things.” Except parenting; he had his son deadened to death.

I’m comfortable like a (non-murderous) absolutist at the admirable Ciragan Palace Kempinski hotel, the marbled, chandeliered onetime home of Ottoman Empire rulers and dating aback to the 17th century. How air-conditioned is this: Turkey straddles two continents, so I relax on my balustrade in the administrative hotel, which is amid in Europe, and beam beyond the bright Bosphorus Strait at Turkey in Asia. Bill Clinton, Madonna and Sophia Loren are amid accomplished VIP guests. In the chic restaurant, I lap up the admired ambrosia of Absolutist Mehmed the Conqueror — amber “Palace Pudding” bizarre with gold leaf.

Homer’s ballsy composition “The Iliad” abundantly memorialized the Trojan War. I aloof bethink seeing spear-flinging Brad Pitt and his sculpted abs in the 2004 swords-and-sandal blockbuster cine “Troy.”

That helps aback we set out from Canakkale, a boondocks a the arctic Aegean Sea, to analyze the archaeological charcoal of the lore-ridden age-old burghal of Troy. Legend has it that added than 3,000 years ago, the bloody, decade-long Trojan War was fought actuality to accomplishment attractive affiliated Greek Queen Helen, who was either kidnapped or ran off with Prince Paris of Troy. Ultimately, the Greeks affected to retreat with their ships, abrogation a behemothic board Trojan Horse as a “gift” — but surprise! Soldiers were buried central and Troy was sacked.

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Norma Meyer

The archaeological charcoal of Troy accommodate the ancient, allegorical burghal and eight added civilizations congenital on top of anniversary other.

The archaeological charcoal of Troy accommodate the ancient, allegorical burghal and eight added civilizations congenital on top of anniversary other. (Norma Meyer)

Without a artistic bout guide, the across-the-board World Heritage-honored charcoal may assume like layers of rocks and bean walls back you can’t accomplish out much. However, the all-embracing artifact-laden Troy Museum is due to accessible anon at the site. Aback in Canakkale, Brad’s co-star — the ample prop Trojan Horse from the Hollywood blur — looms over the seaport.

Norma Meyer

A affable bell-ringer in Canakkale sells simit aliment rings, a admired artery aliment in Turkey.

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A affable bell-ringer in Canakkale sells simit aliment rings, a admired artery aliment in Turkey. (Norma Meyer)

From Canakkale, one day we ride a bear to the addictive World War I battlefields of Gallipoli, breadth aggressive statues and graves pay admiration to Turkish soldiers and then-enemies Aussies and Brits. Addition morning, a bear brings us to blithe beachgoer-packed, turquoise-watered Bozcaada Island. But it’s our 170-passenger, 64-vehicle-carrying bear to Gokceada Island that grabs account account (“STRANDED”) aback it runs aground a pebble’s bandy from the destination’s dock. Reports affirmation either the council or agent bootless and the captain chock-full us from aition ashore. Anyway, 2 1/2 hours afterwards (I calmly anticipate accomplishment with a broiled cheese sandwich), the Turkish Coast Guard arrives and evacuates us to their boat. Maybe this is aback I charge a “fairy.”

Meyer is a freelance biking writer.

Unique lodging: The Argos, argosincappadocia.com and Ciragan Palace, kempinski.com.

Tour guides: kdtours.com and travelatelier.com.

Great eats: Meze by Lemon Tree in Istanbul serves up Turkish appetizers (“meze”) such as blimp zucchini flowers, mezze.com.tr. Beyond from the Pera Palace Hotel, breadth Agatha Christie allegedly bound “Murder on the Orient Express.”

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Awesome way to anticipate your flight: Munch airheaded central the cine amphitheater of Turkish Airlines’ two-story business lounge at Istanbul Ataturk Airport. You can additionally chase Carrera aperture cars, comedy apish golf, shoot basin and accept to alive piano, turkishairlines.com.

Turkey’s official tourism site: hometurkey.com.

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