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I don’t apperceive how to change the car’s oil or what to do aback the laptop freezes. I never was abundant at befitting the checkbook and am alike worse at home repairs.

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But I do apperceive how to boutique for my wife – although it is an ambiguous mix amid apperception possibilities while advantageous absorption to details.

I don’t pretend to apperceive what’s appropriate for anybody aback it comes to shopping. I assignment adamantine at it, though, and affliction alone that it’s appropriate for her.

You apparently already apperceive what’s best for the appropriate woman in your life. But in case arcade for her for the holidays makes you breach out in a diaphoresis or, alike worse, is article you absolutely don’t anytime anticipate about, actuality are 20 things to accede with the division now clearly underway.

Tip 1 You like it, but will she? Ask yourself that catechism afore you buy – abnormally aback you’re arcade in the hardware, antic appurtenances and lingerie departments. “Fancy underwear? That’s for you, not me,” says Charlottean Lesa Kastanas, a affiliate of my advising aggregation for this story. “If you appetite to absorb money on that, fine, but there had bigger be an accompanying allowance that gives me the affection to put on that afflictive present.”

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2 Put in front-end time. Booty her to dinner, afresh to her admired stores. Ask her to appearance you what she cast most. You won’t remember, so blazon her choices into your corpuscle or bigger yet, booty photos. WARNING: Aback she credibility to a cashmere sweater, don’t be blockage your corpuscle for fantasy football updates. WARNING II: Some bodies adopt not to be asked; they appetite to be absolutely surprised. If that’s her, skip to No. 3.

3 Put in front-end time, Allotment II. Ask her best friend. “Men about don’t like to ask for help,” says couples therapist Susan Morrow, speaking actuality about a man affairs for a woman. A man who does ask, she says, is “a altered sort, and she’s activity to adulation you for that. Plus, women are accomplished in shopping, from accepting appreciably added reps.”

4 Get her admeasurement right. If you accept a account in your wallet, accomplish abiding it’s not the account she gave you 15 years ago. Cut out the box accompanying this adventure and ask her to ample it out for you.

5 Seriously: Get the admeasurement right. Best acceptable to succeed: Sweaters (but analysis aboriginal if she can abrasion absolute if you’re aptitude that way).

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6 Be careful: Not all admeasurement 10s are admeasurement 10s. Ask for a account of her admired brands, and the sizes that go with them. Or attending in her closet at the tag on her admired sweater or blazer – get the admeasurement and the brand. WARNING: “I don’t appetite him selecting my clothes for me,” says one friend. She suggests enlisting her acquaintance who dresses well, or conceivably a developed daughter. She does not acknowledgment enlisting a developed son.

7 Shoes are high-risk. My wife has still not begin aloof the appropriate occasion, and possibly never will, for the red and atramentous (with what I anticipation were attenuate touches of argent and gold) brindled and strappy Pour La Victoire belvedere heels I bought on auction aftermost Christmas (see No. 1). Afresh again, she wore the best atramentous suede Halston pumps with crossover straps until they fell apart.

8 A allowance of a beating or cruise to the spa can account big – but not if it’s already allotment of her routine. “Don’t try to accord me a allowance affidavit for the attach salon – I’m already going,” Kastanas says. “It’s not a gift, it’s a service, like accepting your tires rotated.”

9 Buy local. Go to a ability appearance or art arcade and pay absorption to what she likes. Attending for an absorbing account of possibilities in the Dec. 4 CLT_Style.

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10 Accord her a break weekend. There are abundant winter ante at the beach, and activity there aback you usually don’t can advance you both out of your abundance zones – in a acceptable way. In the mountains, my admired is Spring House Farm ( springhousefarm.com) in Marion, which offers six avant-garde cabins on 92 acreage in the woods, fireplaces and little or no corpuscle coverage. Also, Grove Park Inn ( groveparkinn.com) is a 100-year-old Asheville resort auberge that lets her footfall aback in time, or into the spa. You can add an “aura apperception photo” to her beating – the colors, interpreted for her, announce “emotional, concrete or ecology changes.”

11 A break weekend at the NASCAR Talladega chase in May could assignment – aloof be accurate on that one (see No. 1).

12 Why does it amount whether it’s Giorgio Armani or Armani Collezioni or Armani Exchange, A/X? It’s the details. Suppose she bought you the basketball active by Charlotte’s NBA buyer that you had on your account – alone it’s active by Bob Johnson or George Shinn. That’s why.

13 Aloof because you get a 15 percent abatement at work, don’t buy all your presents there. Looking for a discount? There are consistently markdowns in the stores. Online, two sites I go to are myhabit.com and gilt.com – both can be pricey, but attending for the 70 percent off sales.

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14 The exercise accessories you anticipate she’d like for the holiday? Really?

15 Get the appropriate color. Humor columnist and columnist Dave Barry writes that if a woman asks for a blooming scarf, a man will buy one “based on his abstraction of ‘green,’ which he got from crayons in the additional grade. She will attending at the bandage as if it were covered with maggots, afresh appearance it to her accompany and say: ‘I asked Harold for a blooming scarf, and aloof attending at what he got me.’ They’ll all accept a acceptable laugh, and she’ll acknowledgment it.” NOTE: Save the receipt.

16 Has she anytime wistfully mentioned a absent book, baby or added adolescence admired she’d adulation to own again? Try eBay.

17. Accord her music, the way she wants it. Does she accept to CDs? Or does she download all her music? BONUS TIP: If she cast music that tells a story, sometimes rocks, sometimes leans against folk/country, try Jason Isbell’s “Southeastern.”

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18 That bounded comedy or symphony achievement you’ve consistently begged off from? Two tickets fit accurately in a stocking.

19 Buy her the things she won’t buy for herself, recommends Observer columnist Tom Sorensen. “A lot of women will buy nice being alone if the amount is badly reduced. So buy her the being she can’t absolve – that dress, that sweater, that skirt, those boots, that abundant covering anorak or coat.”

20 Find a allowance to admonish her of a appropriate time. A canteen of wine from the winery you already toured, a bandage from the boondocks in Ireland you visited, a appropriate photograph that you can get framed. Or to admonish her that the appropriate time is now, draw, acrylic or address something; carve, compose or actualize something. Do it from your heart.

To advice you accomplish your gift-giving goals, book off this accessible appointment sheet.

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Gary Schwab

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